And that brings us to today's topic: do I want to have another baby?
This is certainly the million dollar question as of late. Baby #2. Will there be one? When? Will we find out the gender? Do we want Layla to be an only child?
And the answer to all of the above? I don't know. And I never thought I'd be so conflicted about it.
You see, I am the oldest of four children. Mike is the oldest of two. We both grew up with siblings, and I suppose I always envisioned having at least two children, if not more. Once Layla was born, I promised myself that I wouldn't think about another baby for awhile. I mean, it took months for me to come out of the "newborn baby fog" and rejoin society. Then, I had to adjust to becoming a full-time working mama. Then, I just wanted to enjoy new stages with Layla: the walking, the talking, the discovering new things every day, etc. Then, I decided to run a marathon. NOW? I will be 35 in May. I know that the clock is ticking, and I am certainly no "spring chicken".
Becoming a mother is the most rewarding and wonderful blessing I have ever received. But at the same time, it was (and still is) the most exhausting and terrifying thing I've ever done. Do I want to do it again? How will it change my marriage? Do I want to wake up with a newborn and a two year old? Heck. Do I even want to be pregnant with a toddler running around? Will baby #2 be as easy as Layla? I mean, I know people do it every single day, but the thought of all of this still terrifies me.
This kid. She marches to the beat of her own drummer, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
At the same time, I would LOVE for Layla to have a sibling - a best friend. I would LOVE to snuggle a newborn baby all over again, and this time, learn from the mistakes I made. I would LOVE to LOVE another human being as deeply as I love Layla.
A typical evening in our house. Mama usually falls asleep before baby. SO glad Mike captured these pics, despite my glasses and jammies:)
I suppose this post doesn't really leave you guys with "new" news, so I apologize for that. I just wanted an opportunity to get this off my chest and see if it brings me any clarity. I do pray daily that God provides me with some guidance, but until then, it feels good to get it out in the open:)
Do you have kids? How many? Any thoughts/advice? (I mean, I know this is a decision that only my husband and I can make, and we discuss it frequently, but if you have any thoughts, feel free to contribute.)
Count me among the product review haters. Love reading candid posts.
ReplyDeleteI have 4 kids. It IS hard. But I wouldn't change any of it. I will say that parenting the second time around brings both good and bad. It IS tough chasing a toddler and dealing with a newborn. But that part goes by in a blink. And I was so much more chill as a mom...I'd dealt with the bulk of it before and was more sure of myself.
Good luck with your decision :) it's such a personal choice...you will do the best for your family.
I've one, getting close to 36, and the thought of a second child scares me. I love my son, but would I be able to split my time and love between him and another child, would I have the energy to go through everything again, he is so easy now, could I do the nighttime breastfeeding again, the daycare start-up and the pottytraining all over again? My answers is also I don't know. Thanks for being honest.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this. There's no question that we want more, we would love 3-4, but it's the issue of when. After everything we did to have James I'm torn between waiting to emotionally be ready to be in that process and not wanting to wait because it could be awhile. I'm ready for another but I'm loving the stage where we all finally sleep and I'm not stuck with a strict feeding schedule. I know that will be more tricky with a baby and a toddler! I can't wait to see what you decide. You can't go wrong either way :)
ReplyDeleteI love that this post had no real direction because it shares your true intimate feelings and thoughts right now. We can't always have an "ending" answer to everything. I have a daughter that will be 18 on Friday and she was an only child. I don't regret that choice at all. Once my daughter turned 7 I decided to get my tubes tied so I knew there was no going back (not in my mind). You have to do what's best for you and your family and make the decision with your husband and no matter what you decide it will be the right thing for your family.
ReplyDeleteI love the sweet pictures of you and Layla, glasses and all! Thanks for sharing your thoughts - it's nice to see people be honest and open! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI haven't even had one yet and I don't have an answer to this question either. I keep going back and forth.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a tough decision. I like to be the poster child for you think you want just one more... It could be 2! I try to be honest and tell people your relationship with your first will change. I think it is a good thing. I'm less obsessed with Chase. He has had to grow up. My life is crazy, hectic, messy and unorganized but overflowing with love. I think you'll have another since you aren't 100% done.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you! Its the candid posts that people relate to, but sometimes, I'm not so sure about putting it all out there, you know? I love how you are so honest. I need to take some cues from you!
ReplyDeleteWell, as you know, I have 4. The first was a bit of a surprise, we took time after and the second was planned, arriving 4.5 years after the first. The third just surprised us and the 4th completed our family. That being said, its totally a personal choice and although we were unsure at the time, each one is what makes our family and we wouldn't be us without them! At the time, terrifying. Now, wouldn't change a single thing. You have to do what's right for you and not worry about what others think. I'd probably have a couple more if we had more money and more house ;)
I heard/read this quote somewhere and it really struck a chord with me: "You'll always regret the baby you didn't have, not the baby you had." I don't mean to say that you should have another, just something to make you think. I struggled with when we would add to our family. It honestly has been a lot easier than I thought, but there are just a heck of a lot more moving parts. I find myself trying to slow down more and really enjoy the baby moments, where I was so stressed and worried the first time. It really has been a joy so far! But you know your family best, and it's really nobody's business if one is enough!
ReplyDeleteGREAT post. I agree - my posts with the highest views tend to be either "share your heart" posts or race recaps. I always appreciate the bloggers who in general are very open and honest. I get enough advertising outside of bloggers, you know?
ReplyDeleteI very much relate to you on the child dilemmas. I'm 36 and have no children, and I know my biological clock is ticking. I am scared to death of the life changes that a child would bring, and for the sheer responsibility of being a parent. I'm also terrified of childbirth and the pregnancy process. But conversely, I am also scared to death that if/when I ever decide I do want a child, that it'll be too late. There's never a perfect answer, though. And that's what makes it even tougher for all of us. Sigh.
How does Mike feel about it? How about your parents and the rest of your family?
Izzy and I still haven't totally closed the door on having children. My problem, like you, is that I'm not getting any younger. There needs to be a decision one way or another relatively soon. And that's such an incredibly hard decision to make.
ReplyDeleteHave you and Mike talked to your families? Especially your parents,maybe they can help give you advice.
I'm going to be 31 and still don't have any children! Once we get married in December we've made that priority number one. We want to have a baby and start working on our family.
ReplyDeleteOh I hear you. My clock is ticking as well and so far no baby. BUT I learned that when it's time it's time. First or second or even third child. B and I both want children, and once school is done {for him} we are planning on working on that...it will be all about timing I guess.
ReplyDeleteAs an only child myself I know I wouldn't want that for my child {if that happens}. There needs to be a second, a friend, a companion, someone. All my life I missed that.